It's an awful moment when you find this behind your shampoo in your shower. First, because you have to keep yourself from screaming. Second, because you have to kill the thing. Third, because you have to dispose of the corpse.
Screaming while you're alone locked in the bathroom automatically means one of three things: There's a fire, there's a spider, or you just saw your new hair job in the mirror. People usually tend to guess the first one, as it is the worst-case scenario. It would go something like this: After seeing the spider and screaming, your panic is interrupted by your dad pounding on the door, yelling: "What is it? Where's the fire?" And then you have to yell back over the running water that nothing's wrong and please don't break down the door... Not a pretty picture. So the first reason this scenario is terrible is because you have to face it alone.
My mother always told me that you're not allowed to kill spiders when they're outside in the garden. I believe this rule is specific on purpose so as to allow us to kill the things when they are in our regime. And the shower definitely falls under that definition. It can't be allowed to live. But that creates a problem: There is no shoe in the shower to kill it with. There's always the shampoo bottle it was hiding behind, but that's bulky and may chase it away (toward my feet!) if I miss. So, I grab a smaller soap bottle and whack it. It dies on impact. But, of course, I have to hit it at least seven more times, just to make sure. Killing the thing is such a frightening prospect, but since it needs to be done it has to be done right.
Disposing of the body is difficult when your resources are limited, but you can't just leave the dead crumpled devil laying there. Besides, that's where the soap goes. So, I used what I had: Water. I cupped my hands and started throwing handfuls on it to wash it off the edge of the tub. It made it half-way down the side and stuck. Now it was squished, mangled and soggy. This thing had to go. I took hold of the shower head and directed it's jet to above the corpse, and pulled down. The force of the water moved it a few more inches, then stopped again. I repeated the process until it began sliding continuously down the side... Toward my feet! Luckily the tub was big enough for me to maneuver around it and it made it down the drain, which is the only place for a spider's burial. I guess it's only right to say a few words... RIP, I'm glad you're dead and stuff...
Not only did this episode ruin the beginning of my shower, but it sped it up to less than half the time I was planning on. And I kept my eyes open for most of it, not enjoying the hot water but watching for more of the brutes. And then afterward I put my clothes on so fast that things went on twisted and backwards, but I was out of that bathroom like a shot. Stupid spider, ruining my shower. But I guess, technically, I got even.
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